Sharing those final wishes

Southern Lady by Louise Prater

My husband’s Grandmother passed away last night after a very long battle with illness. She leaves behind her husband of over 50 years, two surviving children, and a smattering of grandchildren, my husband included.

Although we didn’t know my husband’s Grandmother very well, I will always remember her as a spunky southern lady with sparkling blue eyes and a bottomless stomach (especially for sweets). And as I sit here and reflect upon what little I know of her and her life, I’m wondering if her family knows what her final wishes were. Is that something they discussed with her before she passed? Or was it, like with so many other families I know, just too difficult/painful/uncomfortable/frightening to bring up?

When my Grandma Mary Jean passed away eight years ago, we knew exactly where she was going and what she wanted for her service. She and Grandpa had their headstones picked out and engraved and their plots paid for years before they needed them. In fact, like having lunch at the “Mexican Café,” visiting the cemetery was a family tradition during visits. (And still is.)

To my Grandparents, the cemetery was like a great new neighborhood they’d picked out and were planning to move into someday. They already built their house and met their neighbors. In fact, many of their old friends and family “lived” just down the street. They were proud, in fact, to show the place off. It was a great comfort to them to know they’d end up there and that their family knew it, too. I’ve always found their outlook on death and dying to be healthy and natural.

I’ve never had a problem discussing death and dying in part, I think, because my Grandparents were so open about it. To this day, cemeteries are a place of comfort and a symbol of continuity to me, not of sadness or grief. It’s a feeling  I wish more people shared and something I definitely want to pass onto my own children someday.

What are your thoughts about planning for and then sharing your own final wishes? Is it something that brings you comfort or dread? Why?